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madame
hi there, this is me, the owner, CADEN YAP a.k.a the singapore no.1 bastard
birthday falls on 24th MARCH every year


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Thursday, January 12, 2006 11:48 PM
Day after day, time pass away
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows, I hide it inside
I keep on searching, but I can't find....

The courage to show, to letting you know
I've never felt so much love before
And once again, I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go, I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see, you smiling back at me?
Oh yeah
How will I know....?
If I let you go

Night after night, I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
There's no-one like you, you speak to my heart
It's such a shame, we're worlds apart
I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later, I gotta choose
And once again, I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go, I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see, you smiling back at me?
Oh yeah
How will I know....?
If I let you go

If I let you go
Ooh baby

Once again I'm thinking about
taking the easy way out

But if I let you go, I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see, you smiling back at me?
Oh yeah
How will I know....?
If I let you go

But if I let you go, I will never know
Oh baby
Will I ever see, you smiling back at me?
Oh yeah
How will I know....?
If I let you go

this is what i wanted to tell you. i have been thinking, what has caused you to lost the trust in me. what have i done, and where have i done wrong? things was never the same after the day, 10th november. suddenly, you just came into my life and made lots of impacts. i'm not writing this for you to give me a chance. but i want to prove to you, i still need you, because you allowed me to depend on you for the happiness out of the saddness that i used to get. nowadays, i'm really very low in mood. because of your actions, because of what you said. i'm trying my best to turn everything around, though i know that i will fail, but i really come to an end, where by i will do anything, just to keep you in contact, just to remain the way we were before 10november. all this whiles, i admit that i just sucks. i was the one who made you fall, yet, i was the one who made you sad, who make you lost the trust in me. i really cannot believe that things will turn out this way. just now, i got an urge to show you the letter, but in the end, the urge dies off. i know the feeling of hating me all this while, because you made me hate you once. that's the kind of feelings that is heartbreaking. the words you used to say about not meeting me when we could still hurts me a lot, that i could not control it myself. i was like wanting to cry today, in school. but i controlled. the sudden thought of having you just run away from me, destroy the smile that was on my face. when? when is the day, when i can get back the smile that i used to have, the joy that used to be in me. as you can see, things are worst then before, i'm not prepared to face this alone. i need you by my side. the fourth time, you asked me not to reply you. when can you stop hurting me? perhaps, i will feel no hurt on the day my heart die. I WANT TO REVIVE YOUR DEAD HEART!! trust me once more. i do not want to be with you, just because i do not want to hurt you. i want to be with you, because i want you to be happy. let's just ignore the surrounding can?

went into the rain before i went to school, after school, just to accompany Ann and Ruzzie. and on the way back to school after sending them to a traffic light. i was drenched from head to toe. i was damn sad. on the way back, i was thinking, how i wished, i could just shout out all the troubles that is in my heart. i want the rain to be bigger. so people, remember to bring along your umbrellas. after PE, i went into rain again. the rain was even smaller. sigh. it did not wash me away. i need a greater rainfall. i do not want to wait with the umbrella in my hand anymore, i want to wait just in the rain, for you to appear in my world, for you to come back and seal the wound that you tore in my heart.

right now, it is all about you. no longer another person. you know why? because i believe that you are more important than another person in my life. or perhaps, equally important. you said people are greedy too. i'm not an exception. i want you and the other person. i do not know what might happen, but i just want you to come back first. and do not avoid me, if not, i will really want to go bang a wall.

the decision that i made, i'm not sure if i will regret, because i regretted not telling you my feelings when i fall for you the first time. i hope i will not regret. sigh